After years of hiding her true authentic self from both herself and the world, a significant relationship led Bianca to experience a nervous breakdown in 2012 that would alter the course of her life forever. Having always experienced anxiety within many of her relationships (romantic or otherwise), the biggest breakdown of her life ended up being her biggest breakthrough and she has since experienced clarity, confidence, courage, authenticity, connection, and love in ways previously unimagined. Through writing, coaching and holistic lifestyle education, her life’s mission is to empower people to break down their walls and learn to re-connect with their own inner truth and power so they can create relationships and a life they love. She believes that the joy, clarity and peace that we are all so desperately looking for lies within our willingness to journey within, get honest with ourselves, feel what we have been unwilling to feel and live our life with unapologetic authenticity.
My entire life I have been acutely aware of the raw depth of my emotion; however, instead of honoring and thriving in this, I hid. I had neither the skills nor guidance to navigate the tricky terrains of existing in a world that often encourages wearing a mask instead of expressing our truth. Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness.
Throughout my adult years I became deeply disconnected to what was happening in my internal world, disillusioned by attempts of fitting into an external mold I created for myself.
I began to associate my worth with pleasing others, always using my sense of humor and a carefully constructed, emotionless facade to gain the approval of people in my life.
The drastic disparity between my two worlds revealed itself through ongoing anxiety, hidden bouts of depression and breakdowns along the way. After entering into a prominent romantic relationship in 2011, my walls began to tumble down and I could no longer hold my two opposing worlds together. The culmination of this can only be described as a complete nervous breakdown in 2012 which resulted in therapy, medications and my own personal dark night of the soul.
The breakdown became not only a wake up call, but a turning point since it actually ended up saving my life.
I began the ongoing journey of radical self-care and self-acceptance through writing, meditation and other holistic techniques. I began to dive deep into myself. I began to look closer at the source of my disconnect; the source of my confusion, especially within my relationship, and the walls barricading my heart.
I discovered that what I believed to be extreme relationship anxiety was not about the relationship at all and instead about my own unhealed pains. I also saw that with every breakdown, there was a breakthrough. I realized that another layer separating me from my truth, wholeness, joy, peace and authenticity got removed.
Throughout this journey I have come to believe that even with our perceived brokenness, we are still whole. There is nothing wrong with us but we must learn to take responsibility for both our happiness and our own healing.
It takes immense courage and commitment to embark on this journey as it is not just a one time deal, it is our life’s work. Although it is our responsibility, we cannot do it alone and through persistent vulnerability, compassion and honesty, we shed the layers. We find the deep connection to Self and others and we find our way back Home.