Owning the Creative Shadow

I know there's a lot of conversation, especially in the spirituality and wellness communities, around "shadow work" and most of it tbh is not nuanced or trauma informed and I largely do not agree with.

But for the sake of our creativity and our little community, owning the shadow, is about owning the parts of ourselves and our creative work that we have deemed:

• Too ugly or too hard to look at

• Embarrassing

• Shameful

• Not ________ enough

This can be desires that we have locked away because they have brought us shame in some way, parts of ourselves that want to be expressed but we fear if people REALLY knew this they would______, etc.

Now, they were locked away for a good reason (didn't feel safe to express) and this is when the shadow is formed - as a protective response.

For example, for most of my life I would roll my eyes at actors and artists, especially in Los Angeles. I would say "I would NEVER be an actor" - what a ridiculous dream and lifestyle. To say I was judgmental is an understatement.

Meanwhile, I worked at CAA (a talent agency) and Media Arts Lab (a creative advertising agency) - both professions where I had access to creativity, actors and artistry but I was never the artist.

When I *finally* got enough nudges to try acting in 2021, it was like a piece of my soul finally clicked in place. All that time, it was the exact thing I had desperately wanted more than anything - it was a deep wish to be able to express myself in that way.

But I had / have a lot of creative trauma in my life, particularly around my paternal lineage, and acting didn't feel safe so of course, to make sure I never endured the trauma I saw in my family from creative pursuits, I claimed I would NEVER do those things.

When I owned that the thing I was judging and denying was the exact thing I wanted more than anything, everything shifted. I went to acting school, booked a talent agent, started auditioning, shooting commercials, doing live performances and my life has never been the same.

So, what are some of your creative shadows? I am not asking you to unearth trauma. I am simply inviting in the inquiry of where there might be desires of yours, ways you may want to express yourself, that are being tucked away because they don't feel safe to come out?

You don't have to necessarily *do* anything with it besides acknowledge it and maybe see if something creative wants to emerge from there.