You hate asking others to do things for you.
You hate asking for help.
You hesitate to ask a question that implies the slightest sense you may need something from someone in some degree.
For many of us this is what we experience on a nearly daily basis. We carry around a burden of resistance to asking anyone for anything because one of the filters of our lives is that we believe ourselves to be a burden to others.
Whether an event occurred that was distinctly traumatizing or something small happened that we subconsciously internalized, at some point in our development we created the story that we are a burden; that our needs and desires are too much to be expressed so instead we suppress; we believe we ask for too much so instead we don’t ask for anything at all out of fear of being disliked or worse off, abandoned.
We then start to believe it’s us against the world and we must do whatever it is we must do on our own. We hate asking anyone for anything just to avoid the possibility of experiencing the pain of rejection or embarrassment. We begin to harbor shame and even resentment towards others and the world when the truth is that it’s mostly towards ourselves.
As a woman I see this more often amongst other women as the word “sorry” seems to have a permanent residency in our language even when it’s not necessary. At some point it was ingrained in us that our needs and desires were not a priority so we apologize for everything …...but especially for when we (falsely) believe we are asking too much of others. We don’t want to be seen as “too much.” So what happens? We suppress. We stifle. We put everyone else’s needs before our own.
Our work as both men and women comes down to healing these stories; allowing that young child within to yell out and cry from its depths releasing the pain and grief of feeling as though they were “too much”; that their presence was unwanted; that their needs and desires were a burden or hassle to someone else and worse yet, that it was not safe to express them.
And how do we heal? Well first we allow this grief to pass through us from the very depths of the cells within us that have been storing it our entire lives. We gives ourselves the gift of tears and release and once we have allowed that to pass (we don’t continue to feed into it), we replace it with the truth.
What is the truth? That we are a gift. Our presence and existence alone are a gift; that we are a unique expression of love that exists nowhere else, has never existed before and will never exist again; and that it is safe to express our needs and desires because it is a pure extension of us. We deserve a seat at this table called life for the sole reason that we are alive and breathing right here, right now.
Finally, we forgive. We forgive ourselves for believing these lies and more forgiveness for not knowing any better….and we forgive anyone else that we feel may have contributed.
The more we allow this healing to occur, the bigger our voices and our self expression can become. The more freedom and joy we can experience. We can feel safe to fully express ourselves and not stifle our voice. We can feel safe to fully give and receive love (or at least start to) without the chains of fear and shame. We can feel safe to well…..just be ourselves.