“You’re too sensitive”
Does that phrase sound familiar to you?
I’ve heard that phrase for most of my life and according to many of my clients, they’ve also heard that phrase for most of their lives.
For many years I believed that something was wrong with me, that me and my emotions were a burden to those who would tell me I was too sensitive.
Often, it was people who I had intimate relationships with which made the sting even more painful.
I would often get stuck in the shame hole of berating myself with questions such as:
Why do I have to be so sensitive?
Why do I have to take things so personally?
Why am I constantly so overwhelmed?
Why do I have to feel so deeply?
Why do things impact me so much more than other people?
Why do I get rattled and upset about things that others seem to be unbothered by?
Why do I have to feel/see/notice everything?
What often increased the difficulty with this was the double hit of both society and black culture’s obsession/trauma with being "strong" and the belief that showing emotions was/is a sign of weakness.
And for years I played the sarcastic ice queen very very well.
I numbed myself, suppressed my feelings and pretended like nothing bothered me to the outside world.
It wasn’t until my *1st* (there have been many) dark night of the soul in my early 20s, where I was thrown into the deep depths of anxiety and depression and was forced to face myself, that I started going to therapy and my therapist mentioned a phrase to me that I had never heard before:
Highly Sensitive.
It was like a light went off in my head.
I started digging into a world that felt both new and also the missing piece to my entire life.
I devoured Dr. Elaine Aron’s The Highly Sensitive Person and couldn’t believe that there was not only language but actual science behind my entire life experience.
According to her and the book’s research, Highly Sensitive People make up about 15-20% of humans.
They are born with a trait that programs their nervous systems for heightened sensitivities to internal and external stimuli which causes them to be deeply effected by sensations and feelings.
While I don’t align with Western society’s obsession with only focusing on science and data, I do believe, in balance, it can be supremely supportive.
Because it was with this book that I started to experience a fundamental shift around my perception and experience of being sensitive and would set the foundation for my future work with other highly sensitive professionals and creatives.
I wasn’t broken. Something wasn’t wrong with me.
I wasn’t too sensitive.
In fact, I was exquisite.
I felt like all of those shame based questions finally had some sort of an answer or at the very least, validation.
Highly Sensitive People often have stronger reactivity to pain, hunger, smell, violence, tension but they also tend to be more creative, intuitive, emotionally intelligent and aware of subtleties in their environment.
I finally started to understand why:
I would get exhausted / shut down after too many interactions or too much stimuli
I would get overwhelmed easily
Emotions always felt so much bigger and deeper than others around me
I had a tendency to take things personally (because I literally felt them on a deeper level).
But also why:
My intuition was strong - I felt like I knew things others did not know
Could sense what someone was feeling often before they even realized it
I always felt so connected to the unseen world
I could emotionally connect on deeper levels
This is why I love knowledge and frameworks.
Because while they may not give us all of the answers, they may offer us a path to discover our own answers.
By acknowledging and understanding my own high sensitivity over the last 11+ years, it’s given me a roadmap as to how to better set up my life and the lives’ of my clients while utilizing its gifts vs. always being at the effect of its challenges.
I had to come to terms with the fact that my life needed to look different and grieve the idea of “normalcy” (whatever that even means) if I wanted to thrive vs. survive.
Everything from what I ate and drank, what I listened to, what I watched, the environments I was in and who I was in relationship with had to change.
Knowing my nervous system was/is quite literally made differently, I had to get heavy into nervous system regulation.
But from firsthand experience, I can say it’s been worth it because my current life looks completely different than it did when I started this journey all those years ago.
With those changes have come more nervous system regulation, healing in my body, profound intuition, nourishing relationships, a rich creative life and and a fulfilling career as an EFT practitioner.
Most people who find me and my work identify as Highly Sensitive and if you’re one of those people reading this, please know that despite what society or others may project onto you, your sensitivity is a gift.
It may need boundaries and support with how to work with it, but please understand that it’s a super power.
When we honor that sensitivity, we honor so much more than that.
We honor our humanity, our uniqueness, our capacity for healing and connecting, our natural gifts and the ways in which we might impact the world.
Sending love,
Bianca
p.s - Here’s an IG reel capturing the drama of the “You’re so sensitive” statement
Weekly Energy Tips
Nervous system regulation is the foundation for most of (my) energy work because without a regulated nervous system, it's a lot harder to see or experience things intuitively or clearly.
One of the simple tools that I have my clients use (and I use as well) when they are short on time and feeling disconnected or dysregulated is the 9 Gamut Point Procedure (this can be done at the end of a round of EFT for stubborn issues or can be used stand alone).
The Gamut point is one of the 23 acupressure points along the Triple Warmer meridian, one of the body’s major energy, or qi, pathways and is associated with various different energy meridians in your body.
The Gamut Point is located on both your hands in between your ring finger and your pinkie finger.
To locate it: look at the back of either hand and imagine lines coming from your ring finger and pinky and making a V about one inch down from the base of your fingers. Where the two lines meet, you will feel a slight indentation. That is your Gamut point.
Once you locate it, breathe and begin tapping. While tapping, complete the following sequence.
1.) Close your eyes
2.) Open your eyes
3.) Without moving your head, look down towards the right
4.) Keeping your head still, look down towards the left
5.) Imagine you are looking at an imaginary clock and slowly roll your eyes in a clockwise direction
6.) Roll your eyes in a counterclockwise direction
7.) Hum a simple tune, such as “Happy Birthday” or “Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” for five seconds
8.) Count to 5
9.) Hum again for five seconds.
Repeat if necessary and notice any differences you feel.